Four years….four solid years. I’ve held onto something painful for four years. I have let this pain eat at me and I’ve allowed it to fester inside of my heart for four years! You’re probably thinking to yourself how can someone hold onto something painful for four years? Didn’t I want to “get over it”? Didn’t I want to “let it go”? The answer to both those questions is an astounding YES, of course I did. Wait..did I want to let it go?? Did I want to forget the pain, all that hurt that consumed me day in and day out? No, actually come to think of it, I didn’t. I didn’t want to forget how bad it hurt, because forgetting how bad it hurt meant I would open myself up to being hurt again, right? The reason why I didn’t let go of four years of hurt was due to the fact that I hadn’t processed it, and I hadn’t allowed myself to let go of my victim mentality. A part of me wanted to remain the victim, but why? Why would a person want to remain a victim? Well, for starters you don’t have to “deal” with the problem like a rational person. You can sulk, feel sorry for yourself, and marinate in your own self pity and the pity of others. That might sound harsh to you, but it’s true. I was the victim so I know first hand how this process works. I would seek the pity of others for what had happened to me and that in turn fueled my pain and misery even more. It was a viscous cycle, that is until now. I realize now that there is no comfort, no sense of satisfaction, no peace, or happiness that comes from feeding this hurt. None, zero, zilch, nada! The only thing that holding on to the hurt did for me, was age me and made me bitter.
You see pain itself is like a drug. It latches on to you and feeds you this high, so to speak, every time you relive the situation. It is for all pratical purposes an enabler on your road to recovery. It wants to remind you of “why” you’re miserable everyday. Why you feel lost, hopeless, sad, worthless, lonely or broken. Then it feeds into your anger over the whole situation like a drug would. Reliving the trauma makes us feel like it just happened to us yesterday. We immediately get those old feelings back fresh in our minds again and here we are right back at square one. Square one, jeez who wants to live their life starting over each day at square one? That is the worst scenario of groundhog day if I ever heard of one!
Look, I’m not going to tell you the cliche “You need to get over it and let it go”. I couldn’t do either of those myself. What I am going to tell you is one day you will get sick and tired of reliving your own groundhog day. Trust me! Someone has got to be the one to tell you that the only reason you are having to relive this awful day is because of you. Yes, You. You haven’t decided to allow what happened to you to build you up instead of tear you down. You haven’t thought of the fact that pain can make you stronger instead of weaker. Just like anything that crosses our path in life, it is up to us to determine how it effects us. I am not saying that you aren’t hurt, beat up over what happened to you or even broken like I was. What I am saying is that you get to determine for how long you plan on staying that way. You may never forget what happened to you, and that is perfectly normal, however you can still live a great rest of your life. The only requirement to living a great life is to stop playing the role of the victim and sign up to play the leading role in your life. You will get to show up everyday to a new day full of possibilities to smile, to laugh, to love and be loved by another. Everyone wants the leading role in their play called life. Everyone wants their own version of happily ever after. Instead of focusing on what was, focus on what could be. Now, go try out for the leading role in your life story and I bet you’ll nail that audition!
Til Next Time…